What's God's Favorite Color?

I asked that question to my granddaughter.

At that moment we were out in the country, and if you looked to the west across the hay field, you could see the spent brome, now tan, along with its tender green undergrowth, and you could see too how this field ran into the woods along the west line. Those trees were that rich green of late summer, and their colors then merged into the blues and grays of the sky. The grays by the way, were about to lower into a mist.

“I think rainbow colors,” she said. Which was just a young girl’s way of saying that she thought God liked all colors equally.

Of course I had to agree. Every color is special and necessary and important in its own right.

So what’s God’s favorite color?

I guess only people pick favorites.

Be Kind to Editors, They Mean Well

As a writer over these years, I have had the privilege of training a number of editors. And though such a task is laborious, thankless, and certainly daunting, somebody has to do it. Let me share some things I have learned.

Editors have this bad tendency to project their feelings onto others. For example, they want me to remove 48,000 words from my writing. Why? They don’t want to read them, and they ASSUME that nobody else wants to either. Of course this is nonsense; after all, why else would I have written them in the first place? So when dealing with editors, one must overlook this, well this oddity.

Next, for some reason editors believe that events happen sequentially, one after the other, and that good writing should also follow this ideal. Of course this is not true. Have you ever listened to your wife or daughter recount an event? Sequential? Seriously?

But the most troubling aspect of editors is that they are unimaginative people who are highly offended by any display of creativity. They are putout when I supply three variant spellings for a single word, all in the same paragraph. They ask snotty questions whether I have ever heard of spellcheck. They also don’t like it when I use a comma instead of a semicolon. And they can’t stand my sentences that run on and on and on and then continue with sentences added upon sentences and then how I like to add even more sentences on top of those. Nor fragments. They don't like. Them. Either. And though their harsh comments would appear cruel to the thin-skinned, you must understand that their words were only generated from hearts envious at such a display of creativity. Mind you, I’m not bitter over this or anything. By the way, what’s a spellcheck?

Oh. Did I say I trained a number of editors? Let me restate. Over the years I have worked with a number of editors. Because the only way you can ever train an editor is simply within the recesses of your own imagination; one can never really train such souls. But I have learned one thing in working with them.

You must be kind for they mean well.

Want To Fail My Class?

I’ve been an online, adjunct professor for a couple of universities for a number of years. Do you know the number one reason why students fail my class? You’ll be amazed at how easy this is.

Yes, I have a high percentage of students that have been out of school for a number of years and they need to acclimate to an academic environment. But that’s not the reason. And yes, I have a high percentage of students that are new to online education. But that’s not the reason either.

So do you want to fail my class? Here’s the number one way to do it.

Don’t submit your work.

Simple as that. Disregard assignments. If I send you an email reminder, just ignore it.

After all, you probably have better things to do. Perhaps there’s a football game to go to. Or friends to hang out with. Or maybe family activities. Or maybe it’s just a pretty weekend outside and you’ve had a rough week at work. After all, who wants to be stuck inside doing schoolwork?

Or maybe there are more serious reasons, such as family trouble, or perhaps some personal upheaval, or a very sick child. Whatever the reasons, by all means don’t contact me. Never drop me a note. Don’t update me concerning your changed situation.

And above all else, don’t submit your assignments.

If you think about it, this will be good experience for when you approach the career you desire, or apply for the job you’ve wanted for so long. If there’s a task that needs to be done, and you don’t want to do it right then for whatever reason, simply don’t do it. You have better things to do. Isn’t that how the world works?

So do you want to fail my class? It’s easy.